


dark side of the moon

by blushings



Series: birthday drabbles [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 05:46:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18204323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blushings/pseuds/blushings
Summary: Taeil has his lazy days and his down days.





	dark side of the moon

**Author's Note:**

> this is the beginning to birthday drabbles for [lulu!!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunboy/profile) happy (early) birthday!! i love you!!! i hope you enjoy this~ (and thank you tati for beta-reading this i love you too)

Taeil has his lazy days and his down days. The down days are almost the same as lazy ones, but it doesn’t feel relaxing and everything including himself feels dead. He’d probably rot away on days like this if it wasn’t for Mark. 

Taeil watches his boyfriend pick out (clean) clothes for the day. Last time Mark checked in, he had been wearing the same clothes for two weeks and buried deep under his blankets. Taeil held back on apologizing since Mark said it upset him that he kept saying “sorry” and that there was no need to apologize. He understands. 

Mark is gentle, caring, understanding. Taeil doesn’t see what Mark sees in him, but he’s glad to have him in his life. Regardless of his bad days, it’s like the universe cared about Taeil enough to bless him with a wonderful boyfriend. 

He runs his own finger through his hair. Greasy. He doesn’t even remember the last time he took a shower.

When Mark notices what he was doing, he says, “You want a shower today?” To which Taeil nods.

The showers aren’t actual showers. There’s a bench he sits on while Mark stands behind him with the detachable shower head in hand along with a washcloth. The water is warm enough that it brings back feeling into his body, but he still feels lifeless.

After the shower, he feels clean. The grime is gone and his hair is smooth in Mark’s fingers. Once Taeil’s dressed, he sits on the toilet while Mark is preparing his moisturizer. Guilt creeps up his chest as he recalls all the times he’s sat on this toilet, watching Mark help _him_ when it should be the other way around. God, why can’t he do things for himself? Such a fucking lazy ass. Mark should leave him. He doesn’t deserve him.

“Angel, you’re crying,” Mark pauses his actions to reach for a tissue. Taeil touches his cheeks and would you look at that? He _is_ crying.

“I’m sorry, Mark. I’m sorry I’m like this,” Taeil mumbles, feeling worse already because he didn’t want to be sorry since it upsets Mark. He just feels so bad. Why did he have to have help? Why couldn’t he do things himself? Mark calling him angel doesn’t really help because he doesn’t feel like one at all. Mark gently wipes away his tears before kissing his forehead.

“It’s okay, really. I don’t mind this one bit.” Mark’s careful with his words, knowing that if he says he’s taking care of Taeil he’d feel guilty even more. Mark is so careful and gentle, Taeil thinks while he feels his face twist and now there are tears streaming down his face. The guilt mixes in with other emotions, making him feel confused about what he’s feeling and it makes him cry more. Mark just holds him close, as he whispers, _“It’s okay, you’re going to be okay.”_

Eventually, Taeil stops crying enough that his boyfriend can pull back to clean his face (again) then apply the moisturizer. Even though he hates that he can’t take care of himself, he does love when Mark brushes his teeth. Having a clean mouth is probably Taeil’s favorite thing and while he doesn’t get showers often, Mark does make sure to help him make it easier to have a clean palate whether it's from brushing or using mouthwash. It wasn’t announced but Taeil figured that flossing is not going to happen today. 

They finish up in the bathroom and Mark takes Taeil into the living room to relax on the couch while he makes some food. Reruns of Goblin are playing, and Taeil thinks that maybe he will be okay.


End file.
